The "Movie Stop Twilight Release "Party"" Review

I dragged Meghan last night to monkey Speak at the Flying Monkey. She had to sit through a few people reading poetry and short stories and even a few performance pieces for 2 hours. To pay her back, I accompanied her to the release party for the third Twilight movie hosted by Moviestop. If you are not familiar with Twilight, its about sparkly vampires. You can see a really good overview here >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dompotjTeIA&feature=related

I really can't "review" the "party." But since I am truly biased against Twilight, I will list the minutes of last night's "party" shown by a log that I kept on my phone throughout the night.

11:07pm I'm literally about to walk into a Twilight release party at Movie Stop. If I die here amidst fanboys and fangirls at least no one can say I didn't love my wife.

11:10 I show up and the other married guy from Or The Children's Crusade is here haha

11:12 The two guys who didn't know it was a Twilight release party just walked in. They should be at a Kid Rock release party.

11:22 There are two fellows working that are tot obvi team jacob cause they have long hair. One has blue eye shadow and the other is a sleeveless tee sporting a tribal tatoo despite it being below 40 outside

11:28 Snagged Mug Rootbeer to watch trivia and wash down the funny taste in my mouth...

11:30 Someone just yelled "Jacob Sucks."

11:40 Some kid just recombed his combover. I hate Rockstar energy drinks

11:48 The wife just preordered the movie so I can catch all of the exciting details

11:58 the raffle for the broken cardboard dvd rack started off awkwardly

12:38am Convo about family guy. best part of the night. just realized its tomorrow and I'm still here. Worst part of the night.

12:41 Some lady just walked by yelling about Pepto Bismol

12:44 called out for being a Twilight newb or a "Twi-soft"

12:48 Got Toy Story 3 silly bands . . . for free!

1:10 at home, Meghan opens her dvd case to find 2 special features discs and no movie . . . uh-oh

That last part about sums up the whole deal, for me at least.

The "Zombieland" Review

I hate it when movies are built up for me (see picture on right)
Unless that movie is actually awesome (not picture on right)
Of course then you run into the problem of some people thinking certain movies are totally awesome, when they are totally not. "Aw man you didn't like Transformers II!? But it had even less of a smooth plot and more senseless action than Transformers I!" I think that person would also say "Crash sucked cause, um...cause there was too much dialogue." Tarantino has too much dialogue, buts its kinda his thing; Michael Bay has too much suck, but its also kinda his thing. point of this long introduction is, people have different tastes. Judgmentally, some people's taste are, unfortunately worse than others. I like to think that I have good taste (sometimes), but tend to lean more on the side of snubbing my nose at other people's bad tastes. For example:

I specifically chose the French Roast because the beans are the color and the aroma of the licorice smelly markers, you know, the flavor/color  that everyone avoided as a child. Yes, its true what they say, Starbucks beans are over roasted, too dark. too bold. You can actually get a medium coffee with just as much robustness and flavor as a bold. I think Starbucks African Bolds are OK, but thats about it. Likewise:

Yes, affliction shirts. I'm pretty sure everyone except for the cast of Jersey Shore and avid followers agree that affliction shirts are reserved for wanna-be MMA fighters, but they can afford to keep their website somehow. This shirt lists for over $48.00, and thats not even at the Buckle, which is a whole 'nother review.








To be fair, I realize that everyone has bad taste in something, its just people like me that like to talk about other people's bad tastes; I'm sure that someone whose complete wardrobe is represented by overpriced skulls designed by ultimate fighters would have at least something in common with me taste-wise. Speaking of taste, if you like human flavored, maybe the movie Zombieland is for you.
Personally, I liked the movie, but it was too built up for me (This is connected to the start of the blog, before I went on th four mile tangent). Lets start with the negative.
It wasn't as funny as I had thought it would be. The Michael Cera looking character is you're average nerdy guy who doesn't have any friends, so being disconnected from people helps with his survival in Zombieland. He, of course, falls in love with the pretty girl who doesn't notice him at first until later, so he does something brave to win her over. I mean, I'm sure that the director(s)/writer(s) wanted a story to go along with all the senseless killing of zombies and what-not, but I think they could have done just a teeny weenie more. That story is every nerdy to semi-nerdy kids booyhood until he is approximately 22 years old. Welcome to every 80's teen movie ever.

Don't get me wrong. I can connect with that story. Well, I could up until about 4 & 1/2 years ago. Not to continue to beat the proverbial dead horse, all I'm saying is that that story... well we've heard it before.

I'm not going to tell you theres a spoiler alert.

You probably saw the movie before me anyway, you, with all your time.

Bill Murray makes an appearance in the move, and its awesome. Because, you think he's a Zombie, but he's not, he's flexed his makeup muscles and donned his acting suit to help survive in Zombieland. Problem is, they try to play a practical joke on the Michael Cera character, and he shoots Bill Murray. O.K., thats funny, In a world of post apocalyptic proportions, one of the few humans left kills a famous actor, who is not a Zombie. But when he dies, the girl he is after starts laughing; I got confused. Are they still playing the joke? Is he really dead? then the scene changes.

It was like when a balloon loses all its air and flies around the room making that funny, completely anticlimactic fart sound. Except this wasn't as funny as that.

Listen, I know what you're thinking. Stop belaboring this stupid scene. Fine.

I generally liked the movie, the best part of it was Woody Harellson (or woodrow tracy Harellson. laugh at his name and he'll wipe your face off), star of White Men Can't Jump and some other basketball movie. I think his role in The Cowboy Way really helped him to take on this role, as a Dale Earnhardt loving redneck from florida.

The main nerdy character, (did I mention he looks like Michael Cera?) has a list of rules that he keeps in order to survive in Zombieland. I really like this them in the movie, because they keep popping up every once in a while. Rule #1, Cardio.

The fat guy got eaten 'cause he didn't follow rule #1

                                                                  Anyway, Nerdy guy teams up with white men can't jump guy, meets up with pretty girl and her sister, the girl from Little Miss Sunshine. The girls end up screwing the guys over twice before they get in real trouble and need their help. I know, poor choice of words. The final scene is nerdy guy overcoming a severe fear of clowns (interesting its not a world covered in flesh eating zombies) and saves his love to be. Even the entire plot of the rather short, albeit entertaining movie can be summed up in 2 sentences, in between the very non-subtle plot points are fun jokes, Woody harellson, and lots and lots of Zombies running, eating, dying, and getting hit with a plethora of objects including, but not limited to: a banjo, a baseball bat, and a circus hammer. They get shot a lot too.

I give Zombieland a cool boy head nod of bro approval.

Legends never Die

The "Drummer Game Face" Review

Our band Or The Children's Crusade is used to playing shows where we don't fit in. I'm fine with that, because its a constant reminder that, although most kids ages 14-18 leave during our set, we are (hopefully) trying something new in the wide world of sports. And by sports, I of course mean music. Which leads me to this blog post. Today I was walking home from one of my jobs at the coffee shop, and I was letting my mind wander. The great spinning needle of the board game that is my random mind landed me to a show we played a year or so ago in madison. Some pop punk band was playing at some venue and at one point, the over excited prepubescent teenage drummer decides that its just too hot for his American Apparel cotton t-shirt and takes it off, to which, in almost the same literal second, every prepubescent teenage girls camera was whipped out of purses and messenger bags, and flashes started flashing faster than the annual slam dunk contest. Of course his ego-ometer shot through the roof and he starts putting on the "Drummer Game Face," where, no matter how difficult the part or tempo or beat or any other drummer jargon I can't recall right now on 4 hours of sleep, the drummer makes this face that looks as if he is trying to do calculus, drum, squeeze out a poop, and bite through a pencil all at the same time. If you are unfamiliar with the "Drummer Game Face," I've taken the liberty to help you out. Here are a few:

This one was entitled "Korean Drummer Steals the Show." I'm sure he did. Here is one more if that first image didn't sink all the way in:

I don't know who that guy is, and after this picture, I don't care. Now, to be fair, The "Drummer Game Face" isn't limited to drummers. Here is another example of the "Guitar Game Face" from a familiar band that you all hate (and if you don't you still live in 1997):

Yep. That's the guitarist from Creed. And you know its the game face because nothing they play is that complicated are hardcore to require that severe of a face. On a side note, is that Scott Stapp? When did he turn into a 40 year old ex-football player? Like the first 2 examples, if it didn't sink in, here is one last one:

Again, don't know who he is, and I don't care.

Everybody makes faces. I poke my tongue out when I'm concentrating, as does my Uncle randomly. You are aloud to make fun of me, but the point, as is the point of this blogpost, me sticking my tongue out because I am concentrating is real and unintentional. It's just what I do. Now, Consider the guitarist from Creed. I don't know him personally, but I'm willing to bet a whole recumbent bicycle that his over-severe frown of self appreciation isn't the "natural" face that developed when he was learning how to rip off pearl jam as a teenager.Its good to make concentrative faces, but people, lets not over do it to where its faky faky. Save the game face for actual drum rolls or off beat tempos, or even complicated runs. please don't do it when your keeping the 1-2 on the snare and the floor tom with you're shirt off and the girlies googling.

I give the "Drummer Game Face" a dissapointed turn of the cheek of shame.

The "Recumbent Bicycles and the People Who Ride Them" Review

I recently glanced through BikeSnob NYC's book apparently called Bike Snob: Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the Worl fo Cycling and found that he breaks down most forms of cycling character traits; a personality quiz answer sheet if you will. He was mostly on spot, except for saying that MTB riders listen to creed and the like. The MTB riders I know listen to far better, and far worse, music than that. One seciton did stick out to me though, entitled "The Lone Wolf." It is how it sounds, that one guy out there riding who doesn't fit any of the trendy molds. As I'm typing this right now I can think of at least 3 riders who venture into Trailhead. We all know that guy, who we are, probably without admitting it, a little envious of, and likewise envious of his (or her, ladies) ability and courage to completely stand out up against yet among the crowd. If you are like me, you also know that you would never, ever, ever do half of the stuff that he or she does. This idea, seemingly random, brings me to those riders who ride recumbent bicycles. They don't look like the "Lone Wolf," but their bicycle definitely does. If you are not familiar with a recumbent bicycle, they look like this. Their riders, however, exhibit the same qualitites among almost every one of them I meet:

1.     They always wave. Can't say that about most other riders. Especially roadies.***
    
2.     They love to talk about their bicycle. Not in that annoying, jargon filled way,, which makes you never    want to buy one, but in a specialist, carpenter sort of way. Like someone who loves their job. Whoeverv that is.
   
3.     They will, during conversation, inevitably tell you that a recumbent is great on your back

The recumbent rider is that perfect mixture of "Lone Wolf" and normal. They are almost always nice and informative, and just want to ride a sit down bicycle low to the ground. They are a great break from normal riders who think that whatever they ride is the best and dislike any other forms of cycling. While I probably will never own one, the riders themselves do not turn me off to the idea.

I give recumbent riders the cool boy head-nod of bro approval.

***On a side note, pretty much every time i ride my bike, especially my road bike, I pass another road rider during. Inevitably, almost the first thing they always do is look to see what kind of bike I am riding. Usually they look, expressionless, and return to their ride that they are not enjoying. I stole that last part from BikeSnobNYC. Sorry dude.

The "Glee" Review

So far I have seen 4 episodes of the television show Glee. During the first I watched, I fell asleep. During the final 3, my Fiancee Meghan fell asleep. However, although I had to be at work early the next day, I could not stop watching. On a side note, i rant about MTV's "reality" television show The Hills on about a regular basis once a week. Its racist, sexist, and promotes unrealistic ideas about teenage/ young adult life. I think its also too much pro-capitalism, but in a ridiculously unrealistic way; NONE of those people do anything that promotes a simple, money saving lifestyle. Thats all another convo though. Glee seems to be doing different work, as if it is working to dig deeper than a show like The Hills. If you haven't seen it, it features a well to do Spanish teacher in charge of a Glee club, comprised of highschool students from all walks of life. Captain of the football team, head of the cheerleading squad, a girl who "dresses like a toddler and a grandmother at the same time" that has a bad personality, a homosexual kid, a guy with a mohawk, a "punk" girl, a kid in a wheelchair...although it sounds like a politically correct drenched Gap commercial, all of the differences seem to be teaching the kids sometting about not only other kids lives, but their own. Besides many of the continuing plot points, like the head of the cheer leading squad being pregnant from someone other than her boyfriend, many other, larger issues are brought to the watcher's attention. In one episode, both the teacher and the student's attitudes and thoughts about performance were realigned when they "scrimmaged" if you will against a very showy glee club, and then an all deaf glee club. In another episode, the homosexual kid tells his father, who is an auto mechanic, (one, you would think, who would stereotypically overreact and kick the boy out of his house, disown him, or worse) that he is gay. The father stands up for him, and in doing so, gets harassed. Meanwhile the kid is auditioning for one of his favorite musicals, where he would potentially play a girl's lead role. He butcher's the audition, come to find out, not because he couldn't hit a high F, but because he wanted to protect his father. Now, the only downside is that if you are like me, then during highschool I certainly wasn't taking stock of my life and considering others deep seated emotions on  daily basis. However, the show teaches us to do so, hopefully it will teach younger generations that there are other things in life than being fake blond, having fake tans, eating at expensive restaurants every day, beginning every phrase with the word "like," and, most importantly, that no one is perfect, but we are in our non-perfect life/constant learning experiences every day, together. We might as well try and help each other out.

I give the television show Glee the cool boy head-nod of bro approval.